Yes, that’s a video of a man jerking of a rhino. With good intentions. On the BBC.
There is no Pop Science linking gold like the words “penis” or “sperm“. Sure, nine times out of ten it baits and switches with some barely multicellular organism’s sex habits but every now and again there’s a linked video of two moose exchanging handjobs with an orca for a carton of cigarettes. The write-up is to die for on that one.
But I swear I had a point. I think it was…
Somewhere along the way, loving Pop Sci stopped being something you’d whisper at the newstand and wrap in a plain brown wrapper. It’s not hard to know what did it: same as porno, the internet sloughed the shame off the sticky, nerdy surface of loving reports of animals banging and new non-lethal weapons that make a guy shit himself. In the privacy of our own homes, finally we could all admit to each other that we secretly wished we paid attention during biology.
So glory, glory be, to all the half-pervy come-ons from the Discovery Channel, telling me through my Gmail news ticker that prehistoric swizzle sticks made from juvenile raccoon penis bones have been carbon-dated to prove that Neanderthal man was an alcoholic inter-species pederast. (Wait for it… they’re still factchecking that one)