Simians and Scimitars: The Taliban’s Alleged Monkey Soldiers

This is what we call Slow News Day Gold.  China’s People’s Daily Online reports:

Afghanistan’s Taliban insurgents are training monkeys to use weapons to attack American troops, according to a recent report by a British-based media agency.

Reporters from the media agency spotted and took photos of a few “monkey soldiers” holding AK-47 rifles and Bren light machine guns in the Waziristan tribal region near the border between Pakistan and Afghanistan. The report and photos have been widely spread by media agencies and Web sites across the world.

According to the report, American military experts call them “monkey terrorists.”

What we have here, gentlemen, is a monkey gap.  And I for one won’t stand around waiting for these furballs to start shooting up Des Moines before I do something about it.  I am hereby requesting $25 million from the Defense Department for the training of patriotic anti-simian sloth soldiers.  Oh and a $3 million extension for crystal meth.  For the sloths, I swear.

The People’s Daily was also kind enough to give an audio recording of a text to speech voice reading the article, greatly increasing the meme potential by taking that first step towards a remix.  Dust off those jungle sample CDs and get cracking!

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