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All-you-can-eat brain mulch. The creative process stripped open and the wires fiddled with. Free chunks of media: animal, vegetable, musical, printed and tangible.
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Posts Tagged ‘internet’
First Impressions of My Second Life
Tuesday, November 17th, 2009
It could be said I have a hard-on for obsolescence. Maybe it’s in gratitude for the wrecked and decrepit giving us the gift of seeing enduring efficiency by contrast. Maybe it’s a desperate grasping for something to be nostalgic about as things are birthed and flame out over and over through life’s journey. Maybe I’m just petty and like to laugh at failure. All these are good reasons to take a trip into Second Life.
Second Life is the past’s vision of the internet’s future, back the internet was always capitalized and sometimes likened to a highway made of Al Gore’s divine gleaming seed. Go thumb through the bits of Snow Crash that talk about the Metaverse and see if it sounds familiar. Yeah, that was 1992. Second Life is the fulfillment of the cyberpunk dream of ditching the flesh and having an avatar functional enough to really live a life with. Unfortunately, Second Life, being a virtual World, faithfully reproduces all the boredom, tackiness and ennui of the meatspace.
Reports of Second Life’s heat death piqued my interest. A massive virtual world abandoned with vast collections of corporate property and whimsical user creations lying about unused? Cyberspace depopulated by all but virtuafurries and corporate shillbots? I was too young to fly Aeroflot in to watch the groaning death spasms of Soviet planned economies in real life so getting to watch the decline and fall of a virtual economy seemed to be a hot ticket. The burning question was “what would a virtual market utopia look like without customers?”
The immediate answer was Pretty Vacant. And sorta tending towards goth. Basically like how I remembered the internet back in the AOL/Geocities days of wiggly flashing GIFs and Welcome pages, just 3-D and spacial. Little flashing paywalls mark forcefields on various islands, letting you know that merely standing on certain properties is a rental arrangement.
I will say, when trolling through the virtual construction of other people’s fantasies, it is nice to be able to fly.
Here’s me as a bald Egyptian teenager (the form I was born in) aiming headfirst at a tower of vaguely pornographic glamour faces. It reminds me a lot of walls in the all-porn version of Wolfenstein 3D my friend made back in middle school.
On the depopulated islands cheap thrills can be purchased in attendant-less shops, virtual trinkets or new skins, assless chaps and all that. I pretty quickly ditched everything I could easily ditch, ending up looking like the Silver Surfer with neon seams. In a land where the point for your time and money is to assemble prettiness on your avatar and land and castles to keep people off of, having nothing and wearing nothing seemed to be the only natural punk thing thing to do.
(Then again, using that word, how much do bondage pants cost in real life these days and how long does it take to sculpt a nice set of liberty spikes? Is being punk like being in Second Life in real life? Discuss.)
Evetually I just started seeing what was possible to do. So here I am sitting on an elk.
This struck me as something of a flaw in the Second Life ideal. There’s no quest, no mission, no point beyond those you make yourself. While this is freedom, it’s the freedom of a Sunday afternoon in which all your plans have been canceled and no one’s picking up the phone. There was a big word out there for someone with endless patience or Linden dollars, but showing up with no motivating purpose or idea of what to do beyond sitting on wildlife, it gets kind of boring. This is where I think the appeal dies for the casual user, making one’s First Life appear much more charming in comparison.
I’m ready to be proved wrong, though. On the Second life blog, they say business in booming with around 750,000 unique repeat users in a month. I personally never saw more than seven users on the same island in my travels. As for digital ruins, my quest was stymied by the inability of virtual places to decay, a somewhat uncanny idea.
I’m pretty sure I’ll dip back in to the Metaverse but only after I figure out why.
Tags: avatar, heat death, internet, metaverse, second life, snow crash
Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »
Huh? Viral campaign for Japanese biotech company
Friday, August 21st, 2009
First go to http://174.133.240.117/ which looks like Google. Type “alfa tsentr” and you see some Russian characters that translates to “she is the beginning” (ona nachalo). Clicking around gets you to “The Junsui Project” which features Junko, the child of all man-kind. I know some Russian and Japanese but I have no idea what I’m supposed to buy.
Tags: biotech, internet, internet archeology, japanese, marketing, russian, video, viral
Posted in Junk File | No Comments »
Everything I Know About Computers I Learned From Movies
Tuesday, August 4th, 2009
Do you fancy yourself a computer home computer enthusiast? Or would you like to become one? Rest assured, everything you need to know is in retarded movies.
Access Denied & Hacking
Anytime anything wrong happens it will inevitably lead to a full screen flashing text saying Access Denied. Period. Oh and passwords are really easy to figure out and usually as I learned from Watchmen or The X-Files are the names of objects located near the computer in question. It’s also quite easy as in WarGames to accidentally get the username and password for thermodynamic weapons or some vast conspiracy.
Wondering how you will be able to obtain anything through this “hacking” nonsense like bank cards, video confessions or someone’s DNA? Luckily, NASA and other agencies have easy to use high-tech user interfaces with well thought buttons indicated “LAUNCH SHUTTLE” or “NUKE THE SOVIET UNION.” These functions are all accessible over the World Wide Web. Anytime you need access at the last minute to a nuclear power plant, NORAD, or a car’s engine hacking is on your side.
You may need to use a computer virus to do some super good or harm, just as long as it has a countdown sequence. Alien spaceship or home computer: viruses can do anything. They also cause physical damage such as smoke, screen glitches, or elaborate bitching graphics with skulls and crap off of a Lisa Frank folder.
Planning is not necessary: just jam on your keyboard and that sad Access Denied will become a giant green Access Granted!
Everything is VR
VR Michael Douglas
The single best way of using a computer is not through a mouse and keyboard. If you want to get real work done, slap on a VR helmet. Also you know how Google makes it easy to find things by there being a convenient search box? No, there should be virtual file cabinets to hide and misfile information.
Michael Douglas does this in Disclosure. When he’s not getting raped by Demi Moore he invents VR. He’s able to find dirt on Moore way quicker than with Google or any of those kids toys. It’s like Halo mixed with Altavista from 1997. This is typical of movies like Lawnmower Man, Virtuosity, and Johnny Mnemonic they make computer seem magical and less utilitarian– as doing mundane tasks like opening Outlook should be. Insert virtual reality and anything can happen– even sex!
If the computer does anything involving the security depart they must have a 3D wireframe model of the entire building allowing the security guards to zoom in and out a lá Jurassic Park or Ocean’s 12. Otherwise they are fucked.
In short, this is how the Internet works. Or at least how it works for Keanu Reeves.
Never Make Backups, Ever
Great, so you discovered that the President is sleeping with, literally sleeping with the Soviet Premier. Save the information on one floppy disk or one laptop and never make a backup, physical copy, or email it to anyone. This is extremely important. This is imperative. Otherwise you will never have a final showdown with your enemy who thought he won on top of a skyscraper as he’s about to crush the floppy disk. Don’t believe me? Watch Fled, Mission Impossible, The Net, or any movie made in the 1990’s.
In Conclusion: There is Nothing A Computer Can’t Do
CSI and Bladerunner shows that any camera has infinite resolution. You must be a horrible photographer if you can’t get a perfect shot of the ‘perp reflecting in the teeth of a witness from a MacDonald’s security camera. All software is compatible with any other software, just slide the disk in an the file will pop up. Also, note that even over a payphone in Hackers its possible to have unlimited Internet speeds. DARYL in the aptly named DARYL had unlimited wireless bandwidth. Just remember whatever it is, whatever plot hole, computers will fix it.
You don’t have to take my word for it, tell ‘em Keanu:
Tags: 90s, computers, Entertainment, hackers, internet, lies, Movies, video
Posted in Asides, Junk File | 4 Comments »
Raw Materials: Social Networking Bookmark Icons
Wednesday, July 15th, 2009
Scouring the web it was hard to find social networking icons that were not 3D Boxes, bottled shaped, or otherwise irregular. So as the cliché goes sometimes if you want a job done you have to do it yourself. These basic logo icons for Facebook, Digg, Reddit, Twitter, and Delicious are suitable to use as is or modify for a more custom look.
Facebook, Digg, Reddit, Twitter, and Delicious Icons
The file is a vector EPS version 3.0 file so it should open in most graphics programs such as Photoshop, Illustrator, Flash, Inkscape and many more. They will be used as part of a redesign of this very site (coming soon). If you find these icon logos useful let us know!
Tags: Graphic Design, internet, Web Design
Posted in Raw Materials | 1 Comment »
Friend Request From the California Prison System
Tuesday, July 7th, 2009
Hell yes you can friend the California Department of Corrections on MySpace! A quick look around their homepage reveals that Corrections is earning their 2009 Gold Award from SiOC for Best State Website with more social networking than you can shake a stick (presumably smuggled in a cavity) at.
Sure, their Twitter usage is a bit rudimentary, mostly highlighting press where they’re mentioned. (Sample headline: ‘Oldest Youth Offender Paroled’) But think of the thrill of becoming Facebook buds with the U.S.’s largest state-run prison system. (165,000 adult offenders and rising) Keep them in the loop with your changes in maritial or parole eligibility status.
There’s also a few gems on their YouTube Channel, such as a COPS Lite look at SNAG that makes me dream of being the California Department of Corrections official drum machine operator. Also, don’t miss the somewhat Cash-centric Folsom Prison Museum clip, featuring both behind the scenes footage of Joaquin Phoenix and an inmate-built toothpick ferris wheel.
@philspector yo room for 1 mo, no wig tho kthx
Tags: california, corrections, internet, prison, social networking, twitter, wtf, youtube
Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »
NATO Makes Raves Happen
Saturday, June 27th, 2009
Did you know the North Atlantic Treaty Organization loves ravers? Neither did I, but for 60 years they have been making them happen. What the hell?
So next time you pop so ecstasy, thank NATO. There are more equally surreal attempts at viral marketing by our forced military alliance overlords on their 60 Years of NATO propaganda public relations site.
Tags: empty promises, internet, video, weird
Posted in Uncategorized, World, politics | 1 Comment »
The Internet is Pictures of Cats: Weird Science
Thursday, June 25th, 2009
Yes, that’s a video of a man jerking of a rhino. With good intentions. On the BBC.
There is no Pop Science linking gold like the words “penis” or “sperm“. Sure, nine times out of ten it baits and switches with some barely multicellular organism’s sex habits but every now and again there’s a linked video of two moose exchanging handjobs with an orca for a carton of cigarettes. The write-up is to die for on that one.
But I swear I had a point. I think it was…
Somewhere along the way, loving Pop Sci stopped being something you’d whisper at the newstand and wrap in a plain brown wrapper. It’s not hard to know what did it: same as porno, the internet sloughed the shame off the sticky, nerdy surface of loving reports of animals banging and new non-lethal weapons that make a guy shit himself. In the privacy of our own homes, finally we could all admit to each other that we secretly wished we paid attention during biology.
So glory, glory be, to all the half-pervy come-ons from the Discovery Channel, telling me through my Gmail news ticker that prehistoric swizzle sticks made from juvenile raccoon penis bones have been carbon-dated to prove that Neanderthal man was an alcoholic inter-species pederast. (Wait for it… they’re still factchecking that one)
And ancient pee! Fake rabbit wang! The DaVinci Cones!
Tags: bbc, boobs, dear lord he's really jerking off a rhino, internet, juvenile, rhino, science, the internet is pictures of cats, video, weird science
Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »
Tin Foil Hats Are Sexy: Barack Obama prepares for UFO arrival, open alien contact
Monday, June 15th, 2009
From All News Web:
Barack Obama is in almost daily contact with SETI and is communicating with the aliens directly.
The aliens indirectly contributed to the development of internet search engines and they are in limited contact with Google through SETI. They are able to access the internet currently and their involvement in search engine research is for the purpose of allowing them to understand as much about earth as possible prior to their next arrival.
Awesome. Not only is Barack Obama in constant contact with them but they both contribute and learn from the Internet.
Just keep that in mind whenever you spread a meme: cultural emissaries from several light years away will be basing every picture of a cat as what it means to be human.
Tags: internet, lies, the internet is pictures of cats
Posted in Tin Foil Hats | No Comments »
The Internet is Pictures of Cats: Superbad
Wednesday, June 10th, 2009
The granddaddy of internet weirdness, the digital id of the late-90s, the reason we all got excited about JavaScript in the first place… I present to you, gentlemen, Superbad.
This has been the homepage on at least one of my browsers since 1998. I remember plumbing its depths on a dial-up, making animated GIF-laden homages with AOLPress in the wee hours of the night through high school. I basically spent my college career as ‘guy in the dorm who knows computers’ stealing code off this thing and turning it to woefully conventional purposes for skinny blondes and pointless presentations. For such a sin, I owe penance.
Apparently, this is the work of a fella named Ben Benjamin, a decomissioned code ammunition dump and something that could be tagged with that dusty, decrepit tag of ‘net art’. (Hey, are any of you old enough to remember when the infowebhighwaysurfnet had Artist(e)s?)
No, there’s no point. But that’s the point. Remember possibility? Remember when pointless was simple? Remember back when the web was slow enough where we all felt alone and no one talked about building their own personal brand? Here’s the zen garden for your ADD.
Tags: 90s, code, DHTML, inspiration, internet, JavaScript, Mulch, superbad, the internet is pictures of cats, weird
Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »