1. Scandinavian Ghost Rockets & Lights

    Between Obama receiving the Nobel Peace Prize in Oslo, Norway and these mysterious lights in northern Norway much is going on in Norway. The Daily Mail has photos and videos of this oddity.

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    As the Daily Mail reports, the lights were not seen by many. Lenticular Clouds, Northern Lights, and other natural phenomenon could be a cause. Some are propose the mysterious lights are caused by a missle from Russia. The Russian military of course denies this. Others say it might be a UFO of extraterrestrial origin.

    This would not be the first time Scandinavia had a flap with ghost rockets and UFO’s. During World War II, Nazi scientists tested V1 and V2 rockets over Sweden and Norway. After the war reports of mysterious lights and objects emerged. At its height in the late 1940′s the Swedish Defence Research Agency (Totalförsvarets forskningsinstitut, FOI) stated “nearly one hundred impacts have been reported and thirty pieces of debris have been received and examined by FOI.” Some hypothesized these UFOs tests by Russia and a few wondered at the possibility of an out of this world phenomenon– including the US Military. A 1948 USAF document states: “we are inclined not to discredit entirely this somewhat spectacular theory [extraterrestrial origins], meantime keeping an open mind on the subject.”

    Who knows maybe its a natural phenomenon, missile, or UFO. Or maybe Sarah Palin is pissed at Obama and summoned her buddy Thor.

    EDIT: Yeah, it was a rocket. But a rocket spewing out tiny sapphires!  Not Thor, but still cool.


  2. Demand Celebrity Death Panel Choice, Patriot!

    CYOceleb_death

    Remember when the thick rich soup of internet infotainment was touted as the food of a new race of superintelligent uber-citizens who would zoom from source to source with a keen eye for the facts?

    Yeah.  The future has always been full of shit.

    So instead we get Sarah Palin’s pearls of wisdom drooled out via Facebook, raising the specter of government death panels chomping at the bit to liquidate her Down syndrome baby’.

    As an aside, whenever challenged about anything, from now on, I’m going to reply ‘You want to kill my baby with Down syndrome.’  Bulletproof.

    In this brave new post-facts reality, I think Obama would be foolish to try to refute this charge by say, calmly refuting the death panel rumor as weird gibberish and talking some sense. No way, once an idea gets dipped in the delicious candy coating that is a buzzword like ‘death panel’ there’s no way something wimpy like multi-syllabic facts could combat it.

    No sir.  In the heartland, the small towns, in the Real America, they only want three things: Freedom.  Celebrities.  And meth.  Let’s give them two of the three, shall we?

    Celebrity Death Panels! All Americans should go get their freak on as loud as possible at their local town hall, scaring the beejezus out of their elected representatives by bellowing support for the right to choose a panel of the famous to decide whether one lives or dies once they near that border line of one’s worth to society.

    I’ve already got mine picked out:  Celine Dion (don’t ask me to explain this one), Henry Rollins (after studying his lyrics, I think he’d reliably vote to pull the plug should I be wired to a ventilator and a poop tube), that pneumatic JFK from Sans Soleil, and Kevin Federline (he’s made a career out of looking like he could use the work)

    Fellow TITLEr Mr. Veer puts in his request for Bob Saget, Alan Thicke, Tony Danza, and Dave Couiler, possibly so as to be gently ushered off to death’s door with some learning-a-valuable-lesson music and a lingering sitcom father figure glow.

    Hit the comments and name your dream panel or twitter it with #celebdeathpanel


  3. Jesus Grassdancin' Christ, Obama… Bud Light?

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    Alright, I knew what I was getting into, not going to pretend I didn’t.  Obama’s a politician and you don’t get further than your front door in politics if you don’t have a healthy dose of the Zelig in you.  Some of the backslapper, the faux everyman, the telegenic blank slate that talks pretty and says little.  But c’mon…

    CBS says that for his cop and proffessor ‘hey let’s talk about racial profiling bay-bee’ beer session Obama’s choosing Bud Light.

    This is intolerable.  Are they playing beer pong?  Is that why he’s going for watery domestic? I don’t know about you, but I like my elected representatives to be smarter than me, with better taste.

    I remain too indignant to say anything useful about the Fourth Amendment or the numerous descendents of Niall.


  4. Declassified Spy Images of Arctic

    Reuters reports:

    The United States released more than a thousand intelligence images of Arctic ice to help scientists study the impact of climate change, within hours of a recommendation by the National Academy of Sciences.In an unusually fast move by a U.S. government agency, the Interior Department made the images public on Wednesday. The academy’s report urging this action was released at 11 a.m. on Wednesday.

    East Siberian Sea in 2000 released by the Obama Administration Previously Classified

    East Siberian Sea in 2000

    These images show the possible effects of global warming. Possibly classified by the Bush administration for possible fear that Al Qaeda might take a liking to snow or evil supervillan Lex Luthor might find Superman’s base on Google Earth.