TITLEOFMAGAZINE
All-you-can-eat brain mulch. The creative process stripped open and the wires fiddled with. Free chunks of media: animal, vegetable, musical, printed and tangible.
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Posts Tagged ‘weird’
12 Lies Every Douche in a Bar Insists Are True
Sunday, September 13th, 2009
There are many, many lies we all believe. Every douche at a bar will swear these 12 fictoids are true despite science– As everyone know these things to be ‘true’. Here are twelve of the most common that I have heard recently.
Ostriches put their head in sand.
If you have seen it, it’s called “Photoshop” as in the case of a recent Newsweek cover. We can all blame Pliny the Elder (23-79 CE) who attempted to catalog all knowledge of the Roman Empire. In Book 10, Chapter 1, he wrote “…they imagine, when they have thrust their head and neck into a bush, that the whole of their body is concealed.” Thanks, Pliny. In fairness animals are hard to categorize; for some time it was thought a kangaroo had two heads due to the young baby in tow.
Disney is frozen
Disney maintained an extremely private life leading to rumors that he was a harsh anti-Semite, a puppet of Zionists, a Communist and a Fascist. One confirmed fact is his remains were cremated at Forest Lawn cemetery in Glendale, California– much more prosaic than cryogenic suspension. Very few have taken the leap to become a cryonaut, most notably baseball legend Ted Williams, Williams’ son John Henry Williams, and futurist FM-2030.
Sugar causes hyperactivity
Sugar is called empty calories for a clear reason: its just calories without vitamins, proteins, or lipids. Our bodies need calories for energy, but we can find them in every food we consume. Sugar is no different than any food with calories and does not provide any excess energy. Excess amounts of oranges, pork, or even burgers provides the same if not more for bouts of energy.
Every seven years your cells regenerate
Do you remember any event from seven or more years ago? Good, as that means a neuron in your head has survived seven years. Brain cells– among other cells– last longer than seven years. It’s nice to think that every seven year your body gets a refresh but unfortunately that’s not the case. We just get seven years older.
You only use 10% of your brain
The origin of this myth is dubious but perhaps stems from upstate New Yorker Orson Squire Fowler a proponent of the pseudoscience phrenology, life-style pundit, and inventor of the octagon house. Phrenology claimed the brain was divided into neat platonic sections controlling “friendship,” “love,” and “ailments.” It’s a soothing idea to think that 90% of your brain remains untapped of potential. Perhaps one we could utilize that, and realize our dream as a 6 year old of being the greatest person, ever. CAT scans and logic tells us we use that 90% all the time– and you don’t want to part with that 90%.
We lose 90% of heat through our head
So what does that 90% of your brain do? According to suburban mom wisdom it is where 90% of the heat in your body escapes. The ancient Greeks among others thought of the brain as simply a cooling mechanism for the body. For 90% of the heat in your body to escape from your body, 90% would need to be in your head. If you want to do an experiment, walk around with a hat but completely naked in the dead of winter. Chances are you will be arrested and pretty damn cold.
Drink 8 glasses of water a day; coffee causes you to lose hydration
Though not recommended, you can get daily requirements for liquid from daily food intake. Many will insist though that water is a cure-all, able to solve any and all problems. They will also insist that beverages such as coffee, soda, or tea are a diuretic meaning a net-loss of water. Though coffee and soda are not as efficient as water, they do not cause a loss of water. While drinking eight glasses might not be necessary, it is not a requirement.
Lemmings jump off a cliff
Uncle Walt may not wait in cryogenic suspension. His company did force numerous lemmings to die and create the myth of lemming suicide. Lemmings do on occasion fall into the ocean from cliffs, as do people on occasion. However, it is not a habit and not the norm. While filming the nature documentary White Wilderness the set staff pushed the poor critters off a cliff dramatically. Killing the lemmings but a myth was born. [Edit: Let's go to tape on this one: lemmings getting White and Wild]
Tequila worms
Tequila does not have a worm in it. Mezcal, however, does. Tequila, by definition, is made exclusively from blue agave. According to liquor standards in the US and Mexico tequila cannot contain insects or larvae.
More importantly though eating the worm will not provide any additional inebriate, aphrodisiac, or any effects. It’s just a gimmick.
Cow tipping
Cows do not sleep standing up. Period. Nor do they lock their legs. Period. Approaching a field for cow-tipping has simply become a faux right-of-passage for hick high school students in the US. While cows are docile, tipping them is physically impossible.
Purple cloud in a pool when you pee
Many even recall seeing a cloud of purple or red around someone in a public pool indicating that person was urinating. There is no such chemical. Though this discouraged youths from peeing in the pool, this chemical cannot be purchased and does not exist. How often urination in pools happens would require constant draining and refilling of every public pool which is beyond budgets or feasibility. Discouraged from swimming yet?
Water spins in a different direction in the southern hemisphere
The Coriolis effect does have a weak force on objects on Earth. That force is too weak to effect water or any other liquid. Water spins both clockwise and counterclockwise on both sides of the equator. Movement in water from origin will dictate its direction regardless of hemisphere. Try it in your sink by pushing water one way or another. This will not even require a trip across the hemisphere to Australia, New Zealand, Thailand, etc.
Tags: empty promises, lies, science, weird, wtf
Posted in Neat, Uncategorized | 5 Comments »
Disney on Mars
Tuesday, August 18th, 2009
Disney cartoon from 1957 shortly after Sputnik orbited Earth. The cartoon speculates on life on Mars. You know, before NASA messed everything up and made Mars boring and full of useless rocks. I remember seeing this as a child, well after Mars was established boring and free from horny Mars princesses.
Tags: 1950's, mars, nostalgia, space, video, weird
Posted in Neat | 1 Comment »
Tin Foil Hats are Sexy: New Lifeform in Sewer?
Wednesday, July 1st, 2009
Supposedly this is video from a snakecam in a North Carolina sewer that shows a new (or undiscovered) lifeform.
The video shows what appear to be blobs pulsating and moving. Though many questions remain. Holy crap. At least that’s what I hope it isn’t.
I may not have received my Cryptozoology merit badge in Boy Scouts but I am skeptical. Who took this video? Why was the camera in the sewer? Where is this in North Carolina?
Extraordinary calims require extraordinary evidence. But I do have one more question: what the hell is it?
Update:
Actually its a “bag of worms” or bryozoans according to the News & Observer newspaper. These animals live in colonies so what we see in the video is actually many of them finding food and going on with daily business. They develop an external shell known as a cystid to protect them which we see in the video. Perhaps they have found a new ecological niche in the Raliegh, North Carolina sewer— instead of us finding a new species. Wikipedia has more on these bryozan creatures also known as ‘moss animal’ which do look like they come from outerspace.
Tags: cryptozoology, science, video, weird
Posted in Tin Foil Hats | 2 Comments »
NATO Makes Raves Happen
Saturday, June 27th, 2009
Did you know the North Atlantic Treaty Organization loves ravers? Neither did I, but for 60 years they have been making them happen. What the hell?
So next time you pop so ecstasy, thank NATO. There are more equally surreal attempts at viral marketing by our forced military alliance overlords on their 60 Years of NATO propaganda public relations site.
Tags: empty promises, internet, video, weird
Posted in Uncategorized, World, politics | 1 Comment »
The Internet is Pictures of Cats: Superbad
Wednesday, June 10th, 2009
The granddaddy of internet weirdness, the digital id of the late-90s, the reason we all got excited about JavaScript in the first place… I present to you, gentlemen, Superbad.
This has been the homepage on at least one of my browsers since 1998. I remember plumbing its depths on a dial-up, making animated GIF-laden homages with AOLPress in the wee hours of the night through high school. I basically spent my college career as ‘guy in the dorm who knows computers’ stealing code off this thing and turning it to woefully conventional purposes for skinny blondes and pointless presentations. For such a sin, I owe penance.
Apparently, this is the work of a fella named Ben Benjamin, a decomissioned code ammunition dump and something that could be tagged with that dusty, decrepit tag of ‘net art’. (Hey, are any of you old enough to remember when the infowebhighwaysurfnet had Artist(e)s?)
No, there’s no point. But that’s the point. Remember possibility? Remember when pointless was simple? Remember back when the web was slow enough where we all felt alone and no one talked about building their own personal brand? Here’s the zen garden for your ADD.
Tags: 90s, code, DHTML, inspiration, internet, JavaScript, Mulch, superbad, the internet is pictures of cats, weird
Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »