A Futuristic Buddy Cop Staring Whoopi Goldberg and a Dinosaur. WTF?

Someone get a man in as there’s something wrong with time and space. Somehow this thing– this movie– came over from some awful bizarro world alternate universe where Gilbert Godfried is President and KFC sells Wolly Mammoth thigh. That can be the only logical explanation. Yes, someone in 1995 really thought a movie set in the the future where Whoopi Goldberg teams up with a dinosaur named Theodore Rex was a good idea. Theodore Rex Trailer Theodore Rex, Best of the Worst

Worst. Disclosure. Ever.

Yeah yeah, white spots over Manhattan, let’s all get loopy and waste my damn time.  If that’s all the show-stopping “save yourselves before it’s too late” power the ETs can muster, I’ll wait around for the Vulcans to come snooping around. Seriously.  Why can’t it ever be like it is for Nic Cage? If anyone needs me I’ll be in the basement making a warp drive out of an Arduino, a whippet and a female condom. via wtfjapanseriously

Garfield: Suicide is Painless

And then my brain popped open, revealing a smaller brain that popped open, revealing another and so on, until it was the size of a pencil eraser, a talking pencil eraser, that said “Well then.  I quit.” More of this sort of thing here.  Obviously some sort of cult.

The Peanut Butter Solution: Childhood's Real Bad Dream

Here’s the plot: A young boy goes to a burned down mansion and meets the ghosts of the homeless squatters that died in the fire. As a result he acquires “the Fright” and all of his hair falls out. The ghosts visit him in a dream and give him a recipe involving peanut butter to restore his hair. Overnight he gets a full head of hair, and his buddy feels inspired to put it on his balls. Their hair grows really long and they get suspended for distracting others from their head and ball hair. Then see the main kid’s hair so long he can barely move (fortunately they did not show his buddy) and he passes out. Somehow by screaming at his hair it stops growing. Problem solved– but no. A pissed off art teacher who hates kids and imagination (naturally two things an art teacher should hate) kidnaps […]

Tomes & Talisman: A Library WTF Venture

Produced by Mississippi ETV in 1986, Tomes & Talisman presented library and research concepts with a scifi drama. Ms. Bookhart, a librarian from the world of 2123 compiles with her compatriots a library of all human knowledge– which incidentally is in book form and about the size of an average high school library. Humans were forced off Earth by a race called “The Wipers” who have drunken frat boy at a Midwestern tailgating party level technology: as in yell and throw things. So naturally faced up against the hooligans humans have to evacuate. Bookhart’s library is missing one book, so she sets out in the bookmobile hours before the last evacuation to find it. Bookhart then meets a deus ex machina generic cloaked spirt guy with magic powers who puts her to sleep for 100 years called “The Universal Being.” Oh, then there are these Nordic Anglo Saxon looking aliens […]

12 Lies Every Douche in a Bar Insists Are True

There are many, many lies we all believe. Every douche at a bar will swear these 12 fictoids are true despite science– As everyone know these things to be ‘true’. Here are twelve of the most common that I have heard recently. Ostriches put their head in sand. If you have seen it, it’s called “Photoshop” as in the case of a recent Newsweek cover. We can all blame Pliny the Elder (23-79 CE) who attempted to catalog all knowledge of the Roman Empire. In Book 10, Chapter 1, he wrote “…they imagine, when they have thrust their head and neck into a bush, that the whole of their body is concealed.” Thanks, Pliny. In fairness animals are hard to categorize; for some time it was thought a kangaroo had two heads due to the young baby in tow. Disney is frozen Disney maintained an extremely private life leading to rumors […]

Friend Request From the California Prison System

Hell yes you can friend the California Department of Corrections on MySpace!  A quick look around their homepage reveals that Corrections is earning their 2009 Gold Award from SiOC for Best State Website with more social networking than you can shake a stick (presumably smuggled in a cavity) at. Sure, their Twitter usage is a bit rudimentary, mostly highlighting press where they’re mentioned.  (Sample headline: ‘Oldest Youth Offender Paroled’) But think of the thrill of becoming Facebook buds with the U.S.’s largest state-run prison system. (165,000 adult offenders and rising)  Keep them in the loop with your changes in maritial or parole eligibility status. There’s also a few gems on their YouTube Channel, such as a COPS Lite look at SNAG that makes me dream of being the California Department of Corrections official drum machine operator. Also, don’t miss the somewhat Cash-centric Folsom Prison Museum clip, featuring both behind the […]